I got the feeling of satisfying of happiness. I think I do. But when time flies by, I am realize that there is something wrong. Suddenly one question is popped up on my head, running back and forth, falling down just like rain in the wrong period. It's "Why I feel bad after helping someone? Is it right? I hurt myself instead."
I have been observing this, trying to figure it out. And this morning I thought I found the answer. It's because I always say 'yes' when I actually want say 'no'. I'm hurt because my trust has been tarnished little by little.
Last night, I was decided to say 'no' when someone came to me asked if I can lend him some money. Well, actually it's not about the money. It's about my trust. I actually tell him the truth why I couldn't lend him some money. But, I would feel bad to myself when I decided to say 'yes'. Like I said before, I would gonna hurt myself. And in my opinion that's not kind of kindness. Kindness will give you warmth to your body. You gonna feel relax and happy as well.
At the end of the day, I know I can't be forever say 'yes' for every single thing.
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